Of the things I think I did right:
Stay in touch with people, especially your ex-lovers. Like,
rebuild and maintain those relationships – you will be happily surprised,
later, when you realize how far away all that petty break-up stuff really is.
When you visit your hometown, call your old friends. Plan a trip with your sisters and brothers, and then actually
take a trip. Sometimes it will cost too much money, but the memories are
so worth it. Occasionally call
someone you think of only a few times a year, someone from your past, and
reconnect. You can learn so much
from building on the past, revisiting it, reinvesting in it.
Of the things I did wrong:
Don't ever say: "I don't vote." When you come to your senses, you will feel as though you
were not even breathing for years. Write (more often) in the journal you pretend to keep… later you can
mail the entries to your old friends, and they will pore over the pages,
laughing, crying, and astounded at the precious bits of history you've given
them (ok, so maybe I did this partially right… but you can never write too
much). Don't lie to yourself. If you are unhappy (especially in a
relationship), own up to it. Your misery will only increase
exponentially the longer you pretend. And finally, don't fake orgasms. It is the best way to have the most boring sex life ever.
Marie Stolzenburg, 29, is starting graduate school for Applied English Linguistics in the fall. She currently lives in Minneapolis, and works in the service industry.
